12 Steps to Loving You

Healing the Hurt

Everybody hurts. At some point in your life you have felt hurt, neglected or rejected (or all of these). The human condition is one in which we continue to seek comforting feelings, yet we are all too often derailed by life’s experiences. We might have felt betrayal of loved ones. This is the human condition – we are sentient beings. We have feelings. We have emotions and unless we learn to take control of our emotional wellbeing (recognising illusions vs what is real) and how we feel when something happens that could derail us, we will always be living life in a loop of disappointments. It is time to step out of this destructive cycle,  but to break free from our past we have to be 100% honest about how we felt …. way back then. Let me give you an example.

After about 20 years, I met up again with a guy I had once known in my early twenties. He had asked me to go to a party with him, and I was only to happy to go with him, because, he was … well, he was rather hot and I felt on cloud nine by the invite. However, it was not the kind of night I had hoped for. Near the end of the evening, I noticed he was nowhere to be found. Now, here I was in some strangers house, and no way of getting home. A friend of his told me he had left with someone else. Boy was I bummed! Hurt. Angry. Bummed. Now, fast forward to 20 years later. We reconnected – thank you social media – and we intermittently chatted to one another. Yet, I had never forgotten that evening. So, one day I asked him if he remembered that evening? Needless to say, he did not. And, needless to say – he never contacted me again. He must have thought I was a whacko for carrying that memory around with me for so long. Whatever the reason, I realised I had not truly let that evening go at a cellular level. Sure, in my head I was all like – yeah – I am good. That was soooo long ago. But truthfully, if I still remembered it and it had some meaning still attached to it, then I had not completely dealt with the situation.

So, what did I do. I decided to release the pain by seeing him as I see all of us. We are all born innocent. When we are born, we have no preconceived ideas, judgments, prejudices, undue biases and the like. We all crave warmth, affection, love and kindness. We all want to feel the warmth of someone’s arms wrapped around us. And we all want to belong. In that moment, I did not feel like I belonged. I felt lost, alone, embarrassed, betrayed and rejected. A cycle I was going to repeat over and over again, until I learnt how to overcome self-sabotaging emotional states and how to attract love, kindness, warmth, integrity and a sense of belonging into my life.

And you can too. Just know that you are brave enough and have people in your life who love you and want you to succeed. Reach out to them. And let it all go.